The Fudge Report

"All the poop that's fit to scoop..."

Monday, February 28, 2005

ThinkGeek :: Internet Urinal Finally, Your Own Personal IP Space !!

Hopping, gaming, chat rooms, cyber-dating - the internet is such an addictive and time-consuming force, who's got time to go? With the Internet Urinal, you'll never have to leave your computer again. Imagine the freedom - destroy your opponents in that all imporant Quake 3 clan match without taking a break; drink as many cans of BAWLS as you want and still be able to make that last important trade before the market closes. Each urinal is made with hard plastic and comes with a handy female adapter. Holds 32 oz. of liquid (same as a Big Gulp!).

You may be laughing now, but when the moment comes and you don't have one of these the joke is going to be on you! Great gift for those who can't hold their own. Perfect for LAN Parties.

Friday, February 25, 2005

A republishing for December of 2002, because this entry was just so damn good:

Dude. Ever since I've been back on the east coast, I've had the most satisfying, cleanest, and downright biggest dumpage. I think it's the altitude difference. At high altitude, there's less air pressure exerted on your abdomen, resulting in airier and more spread out excrement. At low altitude (and near the coast), the combination of salt in the air and a higher air pressure results in more compacted, drier, poopies.

TP^2: 10
MI: 0/5*
ST: 1/5
FL: 1

* You may ask, how is an Messy Index of 0 possible? One would expect that the act of releasing a brown, sticky, substance from the anus would tend to leave at least a token marker behind (pun intended). However, I would like to now summarize a theory that has been debated for several years now here at Fudge HQ.

Up until recently, most fudgologists have accepted that MI=0 was a theoretical minimum limit of messiness, and as such, asserted that MI>0 will always be true. I proposed that a condition exists which can set MI = 0.

A deeper understanding of gastrointestinalstatics led me to realize that the mere act of dropping an 'ideal' poop could, in fact, clean up after itself!

I'd like to pause here, however, to emphasize that the achievement of an ideal deuce has never caused me to forego wiping. Besides the fact that not wiping is gross, you must also realize that one cannot fully verify the presence of an ideal poop until after an initial wiping.

Let me continue. The ideal poop must exhibit the following traits:
1. Larger radius at the end than at the beginning.
2. Completely unbroken structure.
3. High density.

All three of these traits will result in a 'vacuum' effect, whereby the following actions are achieved:
1. Each layer, starting at the beginning of the poop, will "clean up" the previous layer's trail.
2. The "inverse cone" shape will slowly exert more cleaning pressure as the poop progresses.
3. The sudden drop in force exerted by the tail end of the poop upon the outer rim of the poop shoot effectively creates a momentary vacuum that forces all remaining particles to either return upstairs or follow the drop out to the toilet.

This assertion that MI can =0 is a radical departure from the traditional MI>0 thinking, and as such, Fudge HQ has coined the process "Sudden Crapulation-Induced Depressurization of the Sphincter." SCIDS is still only a theory, but Fudge HQ will be performing the first clinical trials on monkeys starting in Q1 of 2003.
The Bathroom Attendant - Funny Videos Hub A bathroom attendant who goes beyond the call of duty. Fairly safe for work. Has audio.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

AOL CityGuide: Boston - What's Going On - American Sanitary Plumbing Museum - Overview: "American Sanitary Plumbing Museum

Ever since man realized he could do better than digging a ditch in the woods, sanitary plumbing has been one of the hallmarks of an advanced civilization - Rome had it, and so did ancient India. In this Worcester museum founded by plumbing salesman Charles Manoog in the '70s, you'll find everything from rudimentary outhouses to 19th century toilet paper to an ''earth cabinet,'' which flushes with lime instead of water. There are also examples of early dishwashers and bathtubs, but it's the water closets that are VIPs here.

The main attractions are on the upper level of the two-story warehouse museum, with the lower level devoted to plumbing machinery and trade magazines. Tours of the entire site are available to plumbing students as well as the general public. -- Dan Avery"

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Malaysian State to Offer 'Happy Toilets': "Malaysian State to Offer 'Happy Toilets'
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia ? A Malaysian state will soon build public toilets equipped with piped music and newspapers for people to enjoy while using the bathroom.
Officials in the northeastern state of Kelantan on Tuesday announced that 'Happy and Healthy Toilets' would be built in popular spots, with facilities 'guaranteed to make users happy,' Malaysia's national news agency Bernama reported"

Monday, February 21, 2005

Toilet paper demand upsets wood supplies: "Toilet paper demand upsets wood supplies
By Cao Li (China Daily)
Updated: 2005-02-15 01:03
SHANGHAI: China, the country credited with inventing toilet paper, is using the most - but the demand is putting pressure on precious wood supplies.
Those are the findings yesterday from a survey on paper consumption, and which calls for the return of handkerchiefs" | Penis retrieved from toilet (21-02-2005): "A 44-year-old Alaskan man had his penis surgically reattached after it was cut off by an angry girlfriend and flushed down a toilet, police said today.
The events unfolded on Saturday night, after the pair had been arguing over an impending break up, an Anchorage Police Department statement said.
At some point, the two decided to have sex and the man agreed to let the woman tie his arms to a windowsill.
But the woman used a kitchen knife to amputate her partner's penis and flushed it down the toilet, police said."

Thursday, February 17, 2005

IOL: World: "Galati - A Romanian man ended up in hospital after putting a piece of string around his penis to avoid going to the toilet. "

Vasile Barbulescu now faces months of complicated surgery to correct the damage caused, according to local press.
He was taken to a hospital in Galati, south-eastern Romania, where he admitted wrapping string around his penis to put off going to the toilet until he got home.
Doctors say they are unsure whether they can repair the damage and say he faces repeated surgery.
Dr Alexandru Iurea, who treated the man, said: 'He told us he had tied it really tight. When we finally got it off we saw his penis had massive injuries.' - "