The Fudge Report

"All the poop that's fit to scoop..."

Monday, November 11, 2002

Picked up a virus (not herpes) that's been going around, and so some interesting results today:

MI: 5/5
BF: 5/5
TP^2: (infinity)
FL: 1
ST: 2/5

Saturday, November 09, 2002

Yes, I'm back in action. I've had a wealth of excremental happenings the last couple of weeks, but they are the past, not the present, and so we will leave them be in the sewer of history.

More importantly, I'd like to report our house-buying effort was completely successful. I will post some descriptions of the plumbing facilities at the new commode^H^H^H^H^H^H^Habode.

Friday, November 08, 2002

Even plunger pauli felt bad for you.

We had a similar incident today, however we made it successfully to the toilet prior to anal leakage.

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

The Fudge Report welcomes GARY GROWLER to our crew. His military background will bring a different and more disciplined approach to fudge reporting.

R 030126Z NOV 02
FM CIVLANTFLT
TO TFR ALBUQUERQUE NM//N3//
UNCLAS//N01000//
MSGID/GENADMIN/EXTRA EXTRA//
SUBJ/EXCLUSIVE REPORT OF CAT 5 MI MOVEMENT//
POC/GROWLER/GARY/EMAIL GROWLER@FUDGEREPORT.ORG/SENIOR FIELD AGENT//

RMKS/1. EXPERIENCED SUBJ PHENOMENON ON THIS DATE. GI CRAMPING PRECEEDED EVENT BY ONE-QUARTER MIKE AT A SEARS ROEBUCK INSTALLATION LAUNDRY APPLIANCE DIVISION.
2. KNOWN IN SERBO-CROATIAN AS "SRACKA" (SUDDEN SHIT) SENDER WAS DRIVEN BY GI EVENTS TO THE NEAREST MENS HEAD JUST 15 METERS WSW.
3. TACTICAL BLUNDER MADE INSIDE HEAD STALL WHEREBY OVERCOAT WAS SAVED BUT UNDERGARMENTS WERE IRRETRIEVABLY SOILED. KHAKI TROUSERS WERE DROPPED AS LIQUIFIED WASTE MATTER DRAINED FIRST INSIDE UNDERGARMENTS AND THEN INTO DESIRED PORCELAIN TARGET. TOOK FRIENDLY FIRE BUT WAS ABLE TO SECURE THE MISSION GOALS LESS UNDERGARMENT, BLUE PLAID, QTY 1 PR.
4. DURING RETURN LEG OF FLIGHT SEVERE SPLASHBACK WAS SANITIZED.
5. INJURED UNDERGARMENT LAY ON NEARBY TILE STILL STEAMING WITH FECAL LIQUID AND PARTICULATE. FUDGE REPORTERS DO NOT LEAVE THEIR DEAD BEHIND. PROPER BURIAL WAS COMMENCED IN ALUMINUM WASTE DROP.
6. PREMISES WERE EVACUATED WITHIN 8 MIKES OF ARRIVAL OVER TARGET.
7. AFTER-ACTION RECOMMENDATION. DO NOT TAKE LIGHTLY THE SPEED AND FURY OF THESE CAT 5 EVENTS. REMEMBER THAT EVEN THE FITTEST SPHINCTER CANNOT STAND FOR LONG BETWEEN FECAL LIQUID AND GRAVITY.
8. DO NOT EAT MEDIUM RARE STEAK ON THE SAME DAY THAT YOU TRY THE POWERFUL AND MYSTICAL CHINESE ENERGY DEVELOPMENT ART KNOWN AS CHI GUNG. CHINAMAN IN QUIET TEMPLE EIGHT HUNDRED YEARS AGO GET LAST LAUGH.
9. GROWLER SENDS.
BT