The Fart Factor

Today we bring a special article from the Boston Globe that is close to our rectums: Lavatory and Liberty. This heart-wrenching newspiece describes how corporate America strictly regulated the input and output frequency and duration of the working class.

Poopers unite!

I'd also like to report that a dog allegedly took a dump in one of the laundry's here at the complex. I suspect it was one of the drunk frat boys who got a little lost on the way to the porcelain princess.

MI: 0/5
BI: 0/5
TP^2: 6

Goodness, me. That was absolutely terrific!

MI: 0/5
ST: 1/5
BF: 0/5
TP^2: 4

That was quite the clean drop, very proud of my self. Go fiber!

Giardia. Know it, fear it, love it.

BF: 1/5
MI: 3/5

MI is still elevated, recommend immediate deployment of pepto!

BF: 2/5
MI: 4/5
TP^2: infinity

I think I caught Giardia from my dog!

The Fart Factor - a weekly feature loosely related to fudge

A friend here in the apartments was planning to do an art project using super-closeups of his orifices, hoping that they wouldn't resemble the real thing once developed, but more of an abstract collage of anal colors. Turns out his "art" ended up looking like a typical gory scene on the Discovery Health channel.

Despite this setback, I encourage him to pursue his dreams of having a zoomed-in picture of his anus displayed on a 5' by 7' canvas in the local art museum, and hope that his teacher isn't too anal to understand.

Hunter has messy poopies.

A special poem submitted to the Fudge by an anonymous latino (or latina) reporter:

No hay un placer mas grande que el cagar
Con un cigarrillo para fumar
Y un amigo para conversar;
Queda el culo agradecido
Y la mierda en su lugar

BF: 4/5
TP^2: 16
ST: 3/5

We got a bleeder!

MI: 4/5
BF: 4/5

Wow. Too many drinkies at The Martini Grille last night. Gotta say though, fantastic, dark, casual, dark, atmosphere. Did I mention it's dark?

MI: 4/5
BF: 1/5
TP^2: > 12

Eek. Teach me to eat Chinese food from a place called "Ho Ho's." I think I have an itch.

MI: 0/5
BF: 0/5
TP^2: 4

Unheard of in the land of green chile!

MI: (infinity)

I just shit my pants when I saw this.

BF: 0/5
MI: 1/5

I seem to be getting slowly immune to the effects of green chile. I wish the same could be said for my peculiar fascination with my new favorite band, Jailbait Stylee.

By the way, everybody put their hands together and crap for "Toilet Snake," who will be joining me in publishing the Fudge Report.

So I figured out why the coffee I brew gives me the runs and makes me hyper.. either my coffee maker is wicked broken, or the altitude & humidity is forcing me to use twice as much water than I did in Boston.

BF: 0/5
MI: 3/5
TP^2: 8

Note that both MI and TP^2 are still higher than I would like. I attribute that to my generally increased consumption of beer and doritos.

I think someone is sabotaging my food.

Dude. Not too shabby on that one, although troops reported TP usage is sustained at higher than normal levels.
BF: 0/5
TP^2: 8
MI: 3/5

I saw a cow take a dump this weekend at the New Mexico State Fair, and let me tell you, I've never seen anything like it. This was a cow meant for beef-eating consumption, and that bad larry was generating more dung than Gabe's mom feels through her Glass Bottom Boat on a "Two For Tuesday" special night.

Oy. That quesadilla from last night is making me produce more poop than a Vanessa Carlton lyric writing session!

Wow, that was sudden! Look out for green chile chicken quesadillas below!

Duration: ~ 30 seconds
BF: 3/5

Quite normal output today, despite the crap I ate last night.

oh, that was really not good.

beer + wine cooler + pizza + beer = pure evil.

BF: 0/5
TP squares: 4
Duration: 1 minute

Fantastic. I feel like a new man.

Anonymous Coward reports their own output today:
size: small
shape: nubby texture
messy index (MI): 2/5
BF: 0/5

If you want to become a part of the experience, simply e-mail me and I'll add you as a submitter!

My dog shits like a race horse!

BF: 0/5
shape: nice and solid

I'd like to report some happy results since switching to oatmeal in the morning and upping my salad intake ...

Georgia-Pacific Consumer Products - Quilted Northern - Toilet Tissue Throughout the Centuries

Squares of TP: 8-9
Duration: 5 minutes
BF: 2/5

That wasn't very pleasant at all...

Probable source: The New Mexico Sandwich; roast beef, green chile, cheese, condiments, grilled on sourdough.
Shape: stringy segments
Duration: 5 minutes
Burn Factor (bf): 0/5

This one was a big of a toughy. I imagine that it wasn't really ready to see the world, but these things can't be helped sometimes.