The Fudge Report

"All the poop that's fit to scoop..."

Tuesday, November 05, 2002


R 030126Z NOV 02
FM CIVLANTFLT
TO TFR ALBUQUERQUE NM//N3//
UNCLAS//N01000//
MSGID/GENADMIN/EXTRA EXTRA//
SUBJ/EXCLUSIVE REPORT OF CAT 5 MI MOVEMENT//
POC/GROWLER/GARY/EMAIL GROWLER@FUDGEREPORT.ORG/SENIOR FIELD AGENT//

RMKS/1. EXPERIENCED SUBJ PHENOMENON ON THIS DATE. GI CRAMPING PRECEEDED EVENT BY ONE-QUARTER MIKE AT A SEARS ROEBUCK INSTALLATION LAUNDRY APPLIANCE DIVISION.
2. KNOWN IN SERBO-CROATIAN AS "SRACKA" (SUDDEN SHIT) SENDER WAS DRIVEN BY GI EVENTS TO THE NEAREST MENS HEAD JUST 15 METERS WSW.
3. TACTICAL BLUNDER MADE INSIDE HEAD STALL WHEREBY OVERCOAT WAS SAVED BUT UNDERGARMENTS WERE IRRETRIEVABLY SOILED. KHAKI TROUSERS WERE DROPPED AS LIQUIFIED WASTE MATTER DRAINED FIRST INSIDE UNDERGARMENTS AND THEN INTO DESIRED PORCELAIN TARGET. TOOK FRIENDLY FIRE BUT WAS ABLE TO SECURE THE MISSION GOALS LESS UNDERGARMENT, BLUE PLAID, QTY 1 PR.
4. DURING RETURN LEG OF FLIGHT SEVERE SPLASHBACK WAS SANITIZED.
5. INJURED UNDERGARMENT LAY ON NEARBY TILE STILL STEAMING WITH FECAL LIQUID AND PARTICULATE. FUDGE REPORTERS DO NOT LEAVE THEIR DEAD BEHIND. PROPER BURIAL WAS COMMENCED IN ALUMINUM WASTE DROP.
6. PREMISES WERE EVACUATED WITHIN 8 MIKES OF ARRIVAL OVER TARGET.
7. AFTER-ACTION RECOMMENDATION. DO NOT TAKE LIGHTLY THE SPEED AND FURY OF THESE CAT 5 EVENTS. REMEMBER THAT EVEN THE FITTEST SPHINCTER CANNOT STAND FOR LONG BETWEEN FECAL LIQUID AND GRAVITY.
8. DO NOT EAT MEDIUM RARE STEAK ON THE SAME DAY THAT YOU TRY THE POWERFUL AND MYSTICAL CHINESE ENERGY DEVELOPMENT ART KNOWN AS CHI GUNG. CHINAMAN IN QUIET TEMPLE EIGHT HUNDRED YEARS AGO GET LAST LAUGH.
9. GROWLER SENDS.
BT

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